Remember Me Read online

  ‘Well, I suppose she does go shopping, usually in the morning…’

  There was more, so Ava waited, tugging impatiently at her sweaty running vest. A hot shower was calling.

  The man cleared his throat loudly. ‘And she takes afternoon tea to her parents every day at three.’

  Come again? ‘I’m sorry, Mr Birtley, I’m a bit confused. I thought your wife’s parents were dead?’

  He peered at her through the banisters, slightly defiant. ‘They are. She goes down to the church to see them. I’ll certainly mention your um… worries when I see her again. Have a good day.’

  Ava was still digesting this information as Mr Birtley, quick as a lizard escaping under a rock, made a dart for the lounge and shut the door firmly behind him. Interview over.

  After a shower Ava called Rhodri. The phone rang and rang, but she remembered the Rhodri of old, and his hatred of early rising. Tough shit, this was getting worrying. The whole situation with Paul, Penny and Stephen, not to mention Leo, was hard enough without someone digging up Ellen. Alex may or may not be satisfied with his discoveries, but after their conversation she was fairly sure he could be steered in the direction of a runaway, even if the runaway had wound up dead. But someone was trying to warn her off, and she had surely given no indication that she was here to cause trouble. Perhaps it was simply her presence in the village that was unsettling the perp.

  Eventually someone answered. ‘Fuck off, I’m sleeping.’

  ‘It’s Ava. I’m coming over, Rhodri, so get some clothes on.’

  ‘What? Who the…’

  She heard him sigh down the phone line, before he disconnected the call.

  * * *

  The wind was bitter, and the sullen skies held a promise of more snow. She’d forgotten that some years it was June before the valleys got properly warm, and the hills were coated with vivid green instead of snow. In high summer, it was beautiful, wild and lonely. The rest of the year this place was desolate and freezing. More fool Leo for trying to film in this weather.

  The dirty, pebbledash bungalow next to the garage looked derelict, but Ava whacked on the door with her knuckles anyway. There was no answer. She peered into the grimy windows but could only see signs of chaotic living between the grimy net curtains. Wading through piles of rusting vehicle parts, and two un-emptied bins, she made it to the back door.

  The garden was concreted over, and a high wooden fence sheltered three more padlocked sheds, plus the now familiar spread of exhausts, tyres, doors. There was a stained, cracked toilet bowl, and a sink in a similar state. Both items had a thin straggle of dead brown weeds growing out of them. Creative gardening perhaps, she wondered, slightly amused, but mostly repulsed.

  ‘Rhodri!’ Her voice echoed around the yard. Frustrated, she gave the back door a shove, and it flew open.

  Fine, if that was how he wanted it. She marched into the house. The back door led straight into the kitchen. The stench of dirty dishes, mingled with the sound of a groaning, churning washing machine, and the smell of cigarette smoke.

  Ava followed her nose, trying not to gag, and found an open bedroom door.

  ‘Go away, Ava,’ Rhodri told her.

  He was sitting up in bed, not troubling to hide his naked body with the crumpled sheets. The guitar lay next to him, and a full ashtray perched on the pillow. A couple of boxes of leather-bound books were stacked at the foot of his bed. The rusty bedside table held various drug paraphernalia, and she quickly averted her eyes. What you didn’t see, didn’t count. Sometimes it worked, and sometimes not, but she needed Rhodri on side at the moment.

  ‘Glad to see you’re conscious, and doing your washing. Listen, we need to talk. Something weird happened yesterday and today…’

  As she had hoped, a glimmer of intelligence appeared in his brown eyes, and for a moment her childhood friend was back.

  He frowned. ‘What, like weirder than Paul dying, you coming back, and your freakin’ son taking part in Leo’s show? Fuck me, girl, you couldn’t make that up. It’s like Happy Families gone wrong.’

  ‘Yeah, I know. Has that PI spoken to you yet?’

  ‘That wanker!’ Rhodri snorted with laughter. ‘He leaves me polite messages on my voicemail. He’s not rude enough to come barging in here like you. How did you get in anyway?’

  ‘You left your back door unlocked.’

  Rhodri shrugged, skinny shoulders hunched now. His red hair was the usual mess of mats and tangles, but the sheen of drugs was gone from his eyes for the moment. ‘So what’s the problem?’

  ‘Did Leo walk back with me from the pub, when we all had dinner?’

  He stared at her. ‘Is that a trick question, Detective? You know he did. You were a bit pissed, and he said he would take you back to the Birtleys’ before he went home. Don’t tell me you fucked him, and now you’re regretting it.’ Rhodri shook his shaggy head, a smile flickering at the corners of his mouth, admiration in his expression. ‘Ava, you haven’t changed as much as I thought!’

  ‘Can you keep your mind off sex for a moment? Someone has been in my room at the Birtleys’, and not someone I invited in. The first night we went down the pub, and again this morning when I went out for a run.’

  ‘Like broken in?’ His amusement died, and his brow furrowed.

  ‘No. The door wasn’t damaged and the Birtleys never said they’d had a break-in. The first night, I know I was a bit pissed so I can’t be sure it wasn’t there when I got back, but there was something left on the table next to the bed…’ She hesitated. ‘In fact, I think someone spiked my drink.’

  ‘What the fuck?’

  ‘I know. This morning, something was just left on my door handle. I found it when I got back after my run. Look…’ She displayed the objects in the palm of her hand.

  Rhodri leaned in, the covers sliding further. ‘Bloody hell!’ He recoiled as though she’d held a poisonous snake in her hand, ‘That bracelet thing… that was Ellen’s, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Yes. And the hair band was hers too.’

  His breath was coming in gasps now, and his chest was heaving. He scrabbled on the table and dragged a grubby blue inhaler from the pile. After a puff, his breathing gradually calmed, but his skinny white hands still held the sheets in a death grip. ‘What are you saying? That one of us left this to freak you out?’

  ‘I thought your asthma went away? Okay, none of my business. Yes, I am saying that. Ellen was wearing this the night she died. I don’t know if she was still wearing it when they took her to the woods two years later. Was it you who left these?’

  He put a hand to his forehead, knocking at his skull with a clenched fist, ‘No! Fuck, Ava, I wouldn’t have kept anything like that. I might wind you up, but that… that would be fucking sick. That’s disrespecting the dead.’

  Ava tucked her feet under her, studying his face. It was probably best not to mention that Huw, Leo and Paul moving Ellen’s body two years after they first buried her was pretty disrespectful too.

  Rhodri was reaching tentatively for the bracelet and hair band now. He stroked them both with a gentle finger, turning them over in his hand. Eventually he looked up. ‘Sorry, Ava, I know she had that bracelet thing on the night she… the night she died, but the other one, I’m not sure. I think she even had her hair down, all loose around her shoulders.’ He frowned again.

  ‘They would both have rotted underground, so I’m thinking they were taken the night she died,’ Ava said, slowly turning the possibilities over in her mind. Her phone buzzed with a message, and she flicked across the screen. Penny wanting to meet up later, and her mom wanting another chat. It was bizarre to think of her normal life in the States continuing without her. She had three weeks’ leave from work, and so far she’d sent only brief messages to her friends, her sometime-boyfriend and her parents. It was like Aberdyth was sealed in a bubble – but her coming seemed to be changing that.

  Rhodri was turning the objects over in his hands, gently, as though they were still
Ellen’s. ‘Have you asked Leo?’

  ‘Not about the objects, no.’

  ‘Paul?’

  She shrugged, much in the same way he had done earlier. It was not dismissive, more an acknowledgement of the sadness and legacy they all carried. An acceptance of wrongdoing.

  They sat in silence for a moment, Rhodri still staring at Ellen’s possessions, his lashes lowered, mouth set.

  ‘Who do you think might have left these for me?’

  ‘Christ knows. I mean… well, Jesse’s dead isn’t he? Paul, the bloke’s dying, and I really don’t think he’d have the time for games with you. Huw’s a wanker, and you know I’ve always thought… Never mind.’

  ‘What about Huw?’

  He met her eyes, then quickly looked away. ‘You must have thought about him. He had a temper, and he always has. Forget it, cariad.’

  ‘No. What do you mean?’

  Rhodri seemed to be choosing his words carefully. ‘We made our choice, and he made it clear at the time that his family would’ve killed us if we went against him – and they would, wouldn’t they? I’m just saying that if I had that night again I would have sided with you and Penny, and been up for going to the police. Anyway, that’s over now.’ He looked up, mouth set in a familiar stubborn line, and then he quickly changed the subject. ‘If you’re looking for a game-player then I’d look at Leo because…’

  ‘Leo does have time for games with me,’ Ava finished his sentence. She was still thinking about Huw. It was almost as if Rhodri was about to tell her something, but she knew from experience that if pushed, he would never tell. In childhood, he had been the secret-keeper, the one they all trusted. Again, she shrank from discussing the photographs. It was too painful, made her too vulnerable. She brushed her hair back from her face with an impatient hand and looked up to see Rhodri grinning. ‘What?’

  ‘Like I said. You haven’t changed so much after all. I was wrong, that first time you came to see me. Ydych chi’n meddwl ei fod Leo yn wneud hyn?’

  Ava stared back at him, silently accepting the challenge. He had spoken slowly, clearly, inviting her in. The pain was sharp in her heart, making her fingers tingle. ‘Efallai…’ The single word tasted odd, but it was still there, right at the back of her consciousness. She made a decision. ‘Rhodri, there is something else… Someone took photographs of me whilst I was asleep.’

  ‘You really are freaking me out now, girl.’

  ‘They took photographs of me and posted them as profile pictures on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram. I’ve deleted all my social media accounts, but whoever is trying to fuck with me – and I do know it’s one of you, okay, not you personally, but one of the old gang – whoever it is, they are going to regret it.’

  Rhodri nodded slowly, reaching for his guitar. ‘I hear you, cariad. I’m assuming these are not the type of photographs you want shown around.’

  ‘Correct.’ She didn’t offer, and was surprised and relieved when he didn’t ask. They sat in silence for a moment.

  ‘If you need me, I’m here, Ava. But I don’t know who would do any of that, or mess with Ellen’s stuff. It’s… it’s too much after all this time. But if you get worried, or anything else happens, call me. Just not at fucking seven-in-the-morning, you evil bitch!’

  Ava smiled through the stupid tears that were now unexpectedly snail-trailing down her cheeks. ‘Do you know who I last spoke Welsh to?’

  He moved then, covering her hands with his. His nails were yellow, and his palms were calloused and veined with motor oil, but his touch was as gentle as any Ellen would have given. ‘I miss her too. After all this time, I miss her so much, and I regret so much. But you, you got away and you’re successful. Don’t lose that. Whatever is going on at the moment, don’t give up on what you have or you’ll be stuck here like the rest of us. I wonder sometimes if fate is kind of making it up to Ellen. Jesse, Paul, me, Huw – the dead, the dying and those of us leading generally shit lives. Only you, Penny and Leo seem to have done all right.’

  ‘Deep, Rhodri.’

  ‘True, cariad. Here, you’d better take these back. Keep them safe for Ellen. Ava, you know I’d be the last person to say so, but you might want to go to the police, with this.’

  ‘And dig up Ellen? Because that’s what would happen, wouldn’t it? I don’t know, Rhodri, I really don’t. I didn’t come back to rake up the past. It would hurt too many people, ruin lives, ruin careers… Imagine what the press would make of Leo’s involvement, or mine for that matter. It can’t happen. I’ve paid my respects to Ellen, and I’ve talked to her parents, but she needs to stay buried.’ She got up to leave, dodging piles of rubbish, heading for the back door.

  As she inched past the overflowing bins she heard the strumming, and Rhodri’s husky, smoker’s voice.

  ‘One night was all it took,

  The memory scars my soul, and your words play on my mind,

  And your words play on my mind…’

  Ava thrust the bracelet and hair band deep into her coat pocket and set her face to the wind. The pub was shut, and the sign swung in the wind, creaking like a character in a ghost story. A couple of kids were playing ball against the graffitied war memorial. They scowled as she went past, and she scowled back. She paused at the end of the road, undecided. To her left, the road ran down to the new development, and to her right, the old primary school stood, boarded up and crumbling. Rusting wire fencing was decorated with icicles that tinkled merrily in the wind. The roof was half frost, half straggling brown weeds, and the chimney had clearly been lost in another winter storm.

  For a moment she saw them all as they had been; a big gang would have been playing kiss chase in the sunshine, probably with Ellen in the lead, and Huw losing interest and kicking a ball high into the school garden. Leo would have been plotting with Paul and Jesse, sneaking glances at herself and Penny, who might have been playing ring-a-roses in the playground, hands linked, hair fanning out, spinning, faster and faster. Their faces were bright with promise, and their innocence made her heart fill, and her throat swell. What had happened to those children?

  ‘Hey, Ava! I thought it was you.’

  Ava dragged herself from her unwelcome thoughts. She could have walked past him in a crowded street and never recognised him. But here, in this setting, she could just about make out the former captain of the football team, the big, square-shouldered golden boy, who had tussled with Leo over the girls. Now his hair was prematurely thinning, and greasy strands covered his forehead. His face was lined and desperate, and the smile revealed yellowing teeth. A paunch had replaced the muscular torso, and his clothes were dirty. Huw Davis, father of pretty Bethan.

  ‘Hallo, Huw.’ She turned the objects over in her pocket, caressing the band with a gentle finger, trying not to show how shocked she was by his appearance. He was thirty-one and could have been taken for a man a dozen years older. ‘How are you?’

  ‘Oh, you know, fine… I’m going to watch the filming today. Leo said they already got some good footage of Bethan on the zip line for the second circuit. Apparently, she let go halfway down, and the crew freaked out and started shouting for medics!’ He chuckled indulgently. ‘I told them she would have been doing it to get noticed. She’s not stupid, my girl.’

  ‘Right.’ Letting go of a zip line of that height, or any zip line come to that, just to get on camera seemed very stupid to Ava, but hell, what did she know. ‘I’m heading over that way myself if you want to give me a lift. I was going to ask Penny, but she won’t be back from the hospital yet. She said Paul had an appointment.’ She was searching his face for emotion, feeling her own heart twist and a fist in her stomach at the thought of another zip line accident, another girl who had fallen. Yet Huw seemed quite happy for his daughter to be doing just what Ellen had done before her death.

  For a moment he said nothing, a flash of wariness turning his face from light to dark. He swung a plastic carrier bag, in one hand. ‘Sure. As long as you don’t mind the Land Rove
r.’

  Ava shook her head, and they walked in an uneasy silence down the hill to the vehicle. She hadn’t had any intention of returning to the film set that day, but it was a good chance to have a little chat with Huw. Although she couldn’t help comparing him with the dynamic teenager she remembered, she supposed she also looked very different in her thirties. You just didn’t really notice when you saw yourself in the mirror each day. Weirdly, Huw and Leo were exactly the same age, sharing a July birthday, but their lives from that point had clearly been very different.

  Ava waited whilst Huw opened his front door and dumped the bag inside, yelling to someone that he would see them later. She caught the sound of young children wailing, and a woman’s voice shouted something that sounded like, ‘Whatever, you fucking stupid bastard.’ Interesting that Huw seemed to have moved on, away from his family. As a child he’d lived in a crowded but pristine van, on the other side of the village. Perhaps the house was for his kids, or the girlfriend. It didn’t seem like a good question to ask right away, and she didn’t want to piss him off until she had to.

  ‘So, do you like living in Los Angeles then?’ Huw made a big show of grinding the gears and hauling the wheel as they backed out into the high street. Changing up, and avoiding potholes, they soon left the village, and bumped down the frozen track towards Big Water. His jaw was set, and every so often he ran a hand across his thinning hair with a quick, nervous motion.

  ‘Yes. Leo said you teach down the valley at St Merlon’s… Wow. I never would have thought of you as a teacher, Huw. You were such a rebel. And you’ve got kids now too… Bethan’s turned out beautiful, she looks like a model,’ Ava prodded, exploiting his pride in his daughter. She shifted in her seat, and he almost cringed away from her.

  ‘Well, you know… people change. Got myself a house and everything now, and that’s down to bloody hard graft.’

  ‘They do change. How’s the family? Your uncle still around?’

  ‘Yes, the old git’s still breathing. My cousins are still in the village, and a few more half-brothers and sisters that you wouldn’t know about. The traveller site has been almost killed off, but my da’s just about hanging on to his old van.’